User blog:Janja-Hodari/Requesting a TLG Fanfiction Critique

This is the first chapter to a Lion Guard fan fiction written by myself. It takes place after Return of the Roar.

I am not yet revealing the title for this fan fiction, since it will have a significant number of chapters and the title is subject to change. I am sorry for the formatting since I had to copy and paste it here.

Thanks for reading!

Chapter One: Crossing Boundaries

Never in his life had Janja been so frustrated. Now that Simba was king of the Pride Lands, his ancestors had been forced back into the Outlands, with little food and water. To be quite honest, he was sick and tired of being hungry and so were his friends, Cheezi and Chungu. Cheezi and Chungu may not have been the brightest hyenas in the clan, but they were willing to fight, and they weren’t chicken like the rest of them-well, at least most of the time. Janja’s plan to round up all the gazelles for meals had gone badly. He’d planned it all out in an array of song and dance with his fellow hyenas just have his plans shattered by a stupid little lion cub and his friends playing superhero. So what if they had gotten a couple gazelles? Janja had to worry about feeding ten hyenas and this was NOT going to cut it. This “Lion Guard” just didn’t understand that they needed food, and that the food just wasn’t in the Outlands! The cave echoed with the clan’s roaring laughter. “Janja! I’m huuuungryyyy!” Cheezi whined. “Chungu ate all the food!” “Shut it, fur brains!” Janja snarled. “I’m not in the mood!” Wajinga, one of the older members of the clan, spoke up loudly. “Janja! You know full well that we older hyenas need to eat before the others!” “Waji, Waji…” Janja said, letting the newfound nickname roll slowly off his tongue. “The leader of the clan and his top advisors eat first. Those are the rules. Perhaps you need reminded.” He snarled viciously at Wajinga. Wajinga’s eyes narrowed. “Watch how you speak to your elders, young cub,” he growled. “I am not a cub!” Janja thundered, leaping on Wajinga and pinning him to the ground. “If you want food, go get it!” Janja then let Wajinga go, as he began to laugh. Wajinga slowly scampered away. He wasn’t ready to start a fight with Janja. Life in the clan was tough-you were either a born hunter or you learned to scavenge. Janja was a born leader, not to mention he was cunning. The other hyenas had little to offer, and so it was obvious that he dominated them on both smarts and strength. As Janja, Cheezi, and Chungu began to head to the den for the night, a voice stopped them from behind. “What you did was brave today, Janja.” The hyena trio spun around to face a young female hyena. “I’m Jasiri. I’m from the Heshima clan. Word travels fast among us Outlanders,” said the hyena. “Jasiri?” Janja inquired. “Heshima clan? Oh, the Heshima clan…right. You guys are supposed to stay off our turf. You know that full well.” Cheezi’s eyes widened and rolled about in his head. “Yeah! What’s she doing here, Janja?” “Congratulating me, I suppose,” Janja said. “Well, thanks, I guess. Now get those paws moving, Jasiri.” “Very well, Janja. But just know this: You’re a brave hyena, and I admire your ability to stand up to your enemies,” she said. She smiled softly, and then pranced away elegantly. “Just look at the way she prances so high-and-mighty,” said Janja. “Makes me sick.” He growled under his breath. Chungu laughed. “Aww, who cares? I’m tired! Let’s go get some sleep, Janja!” Cheezi nodded in approval, his head bobbing up and down. “You fellas go on,” he said. “I’ve got a little trailing to do.”

Janja found himself atop a rock overlooking the Kuwinda Gorge. Jasiri was slowly walking back toward the Heshima Clan’s territory. Janja knew that there was something going on with this hyena, but he didn’t know what. Suddenly, he saw something that grew his interest. He saw Jasiri paw around on the ground behind a rock and pull out a slab of meat with her jaws. Janja’s eyes widened. “No way!” he gasped. Meat was scarce in the Outlands, and his clan hadn’t killed anything lately-except for the gazelles that the others had already devoured. This meat was on his land-but how did it get there? Jasiri took a piece into her mouth and ate it. Janja could feel the hunger pains deep within his stomach. He wanted that meat bad. But if he gave himself away now, then he’d blow his cover. Besides, it wasn’t that much meat….Oh, who was he kidding?! This was his chance to get his fill without worrying about the rest of the clan! He licked his lips and slid down the ledge. He growled and rushed at Jasiri, ready to pounce on the unsuspecting hyena. Suddenly, Jasiri’s ears perked up and she spotted Janja right before he attacked. She dodged his pounce, and Janja smacked into the ground. Jasiri began laughing. This made Janja furious. “You thief!” he shouted. “This meat is on my land! You were eating it, I saw you!” Jasiri laughed again. “You’re trying to tell me that this meat, which I acquired this morning, is yours?” Janja got up, and lowered his legs again, ready to strike. “Do I need to repeat myself?” he snarled. “It’s on my land! I don’t care who got it! Now go home, you little thief!” “For one, I’m not a thief,” said Jasiri. “Like I said, I got it this morning. And as for it being on your land, well…”she began to laugh again. “Too bad.” She poked Janja in the nose. His eyes widened with anger. “You are going to pay!” he shouted. He lunged at Jasiri, pinning the young female hyena to the ground. “I’ll teach your clan a lesson about crossing boundaries.” He smiled viciously. “When the moon rises tonight, and their pretty little girl doesn’t come home-that’s when they’ll learn their lesson good. They’ll get their rightful share, and I’ll get mine! Hahahaha-HAA!” Jasiri snarled, trying to break free of Janja’s hold. She lifted up slightly, attempting to sink her teeth into one of Janja’s legs, but it was no use. Janja was about to deliver a crushing bite when suddenly he heard a loud roar. A fierce wind shot up on all sides of him, and both he and Jasiri went flying in separate directions. When the wind subsided, Janja looked up and saw none other than Simba’s son, the leader of the Lion Guard-Kion the Fiercest. But Kion wasn’t looking at Janja. Kion was facing the opposite direction, watching as a scared little hyrax scampered back into the Pride Lands. “We saved him!” Bunga shouted. “Zuka Zama!” Janja didn’t see the predator that had tried to eat the hyrax, but he knew that he’d just gotten mixed up in a strange turn of events. Before Kion could turn around to see Janja, Janja turned tail and ran-all the way back to the den-without Jasiri’s meat. At least the rest of the clan wouldn’t have to know about this little incident.

The Lion Guard Characters (c) Disney

Wajinga the hyena (c) Janja-Hodari. Don't use this character.

~END OF CHAPTER ONE~