Thread:Riii~Chan/@comment-3562042-20151029233601/@comment-972068-20151105041223

Fanfics are boring. So is Lion King. You wanna know what isn't boring? Movies. And Garfield. Specifically Garfield 2: A Tale of Two Kitties, aka one of the greatest films of all time.

( drumroll )

( rousing orchestral fanfare playing )

( fanfare ends )

( birds squawking )

( wind blowing )

( grand, royal orchestral theme playing )

NARRATOR: Once upon a time,

in an English castle far, far away,

there lived a pampered personage by the name of...

- ( yawning ) - ...Prince.

( bell ringing )

All right, everyone, he's awake.

Hurry! Hurry!

Come along, quickly.

Right, are we all ready? Get the Carlyle log.

NARRATOR: Prince knew no other life

than a life of luxury.

Oh, did I mention that Prince was a cat?

Good morning, Prince.

( yawning, groaning )

Your tea.

( British accent ): Mm-hmm-hmm! Breakie.

I have your favorite dish.

Carlyle log.

Ah, lovely.

( slurping, smacking )

( moaning )

( chuckling )

Super.

Oh, it's good to be the king.

NARRATOR: On the other side of the world,

there lived an equally pampered cat

who thought he was a king,

but who ruled over a somewhat smaller domain.

Meow.

( grunting )

I'm the king of the cul-de-sac.

That's what I'm talking about.

jon and I have everything I could ever want.

Food in the fridge. Cable and satellite.

And don't forget lasagna.

That's right. It's good to be king.

I want you to know, you're the most important thing in my life.

Let me sleep, please.

Before I met you, my life had no meaning.

I was incomplete.

Oh, you still are, really.

I guess what I'm trying to say is...

...will you marry me?

Eh? Marriage?

Well, this is kind of sudden.

There may be some legal issues here.

Look, I like you, but not as a spouse.

Maybe as a servant, we could stay together, make it work.

So what do you say... Liz?

- Wait a second. Liz? Liz? - Garfield.

Liz is a girl.

No, worse. She's a girl vet.

- ( bell dings ) - Turkey's ready.

Well, I think jon has touched bottom now.

Hmm, we gotta put an end to this torture.

( romantic music playing )

Time for a new DJ.

( stereo blasts )

( singing )

Somebody take my temperature.

Garfield!

( stutters )

Whoa!

( music stops )

Man, you have changed.

I can't have you messing this up for me, okay?

- Oh, I get it. It's her. - Come here.

She doesn't like our music.

Whatever happened toJon?

- My metal-head guy. My dude. - ( doorbell chimes )

You were so much cooler when you wore a mullet.

Now stay here.

- So much cooler. - ( doorbell chimes )

I suppose she likes this haircut.

I suppose she likes this haircut.

- Coming! - Tell me she likes it the way it is now.

- Hey, Liz. -Jon, I have incredible news.

Guess who's going to be speaking at this year's fund-raiser

for the Royal Animal Conservancy.

Siegfried and Roy?

- Oh, come on. -Just Siegfried?

jane Goodall dropped out at the last minute

because she's nursing a sick chimp

and they asked me.

I mean, it's gonna be at this really cool castle

on a huge estate.

Well, Liz, that-that's...

I am flying to London tomorrow morning.

- Can you believe it? - What?

I mean, I have to pack, and...

Oh, are these rose petals and candles?

Yeah, well, Liz, I have some...

some important news of-of-of my own.

Uh...

GARFI ELD: Hey, me, too.

( clears throat )

Excuse me, do you believe in love at first sight?

I was hoping you'd say yes.

You have made me so very, very cat-happy.

- Uh... - Well, come on.

- What's the news? - The news is, I, uh...

I finally house-trained Odie.

- Really? - Yeah.

That would explain the rose petals.

I have to pack.

I'm so sorry about dinner.

But you know what?

I will send your regards to the queen.

Okay, congratulations on Odie.

Oh, oh, yeah. And, hey, you, too.

They're lucky to have you.

( kisses )

Bye.

Oh, I thought she'd never leave.

Garfield, you ate the whole turkey?

Well, yeah.

What are you doing with this?

Oh, never mind.

It's too late. She's already off to...

( belches ) Ooh!

Good stuffing.

Well, come on, cheer up.

- I saved you the wishbone. - There's nothing I can do.

Sure there is.

Return the ring and get your money back.

Wait a minute. I'll go to London.

- Oh, you poor sap. - She'll love it.

- She'll be surprised. - Please don't do this.

- She'll be thrilled. - Tell me you're not gonna do this.

- She'll say yes. - Please, don't.

I gotta go pack.

You moron.

This is a huge mistake,Jon.

One of your biggest.

Don't roam. Stay home.

Odie and I are not just coming along for the ride, pal.

This is actually an intervention.

jON: Okay, guys. Here we are.

( yawning ): Oh, quick flight.

We must have been in the jet stream.

England is no great shakes, huh?

I mean, the buildings here look like, uh, the kennel back home.

That is the kennel back home.

They'll never take me alive.

They're gonna be fine,Jon.

Yeah, yeah.

Garfield's never stayed in a kennel before,

so I'm afraid he might have

some separation anxiety.

No.

He's probably fast asleep in his cage by now.

You hear me, warden?!

I have the right to remain silent!

Anything I say can and will be held against me

in a court of law!

And I have the right to an attorney, too, pal!

And if I can't afford one, one must be provided for me

by the court!

Never mind!

I just broke out.

He likes a belly rub twice a day.

And, oh, if you could give him

a pan of lasagna between each meal,

that would be great.

Oh, almost forgot Pooky.

Can't be without Pooky.

( barks )

Oh, great.Just when things were looking up.

Look, why don't you stay here

and get your fleas removed,

maybe get a brain transplant?

( barks )

Okay, go away. Beat it.

Hide beneath the wheels.

Agh! You're ripping my fur!

Aah! Get off. Get off. Get off. Get off.

Get in here! Get in! Get in!

Okay, so you have my cell phone

and you have the hotel number.

- Don't worry, I do. Bye now. - Okay.

GARFI ELD: Airport, and step on it.

jon won't mind if I repack him.

We're gonna need some room in this bag.

( humming )

( quacking )

( quacking )

( humming, screams )

Aah! You savage beast, how dare you!

Get out of here! Smithee!

There's something in the pool! Smithee!

There's a duck in my pool, Smithee.

A duck!

A duck, sir?

Filthy wild animal soaking itself in my pool.

What do you intend doing about this?

I shall speak to the duck, sir?

Mmm.

( squeaking )

Oh, by the way, the solicitors are here

for the reading of Lady Eleanor's will.

Excellent.

In a few moments, I'll be the master

of this entire estate.

And from this day on,

things will be done my way.

( quacking )

MAN: This is the last will and testament

of Lady Eleanor Carlyle of Carlyle Castle.

????I declare this to be my last will and testament,

which I make, this first day of September''...

Keep still. They're reading Lady Eleanor's will.

I've got a bad feeling about this.

I can't watch.

If Lord Dargis gets the estate, we're done for.

We're doomed!

Shh! Quiet.

????To my devoted Smithee,

????I make thee caretaker of my estate.

????Care for my beloved animal friends

????as you have in the past

and you will always have a home at Carlyle Castle.''

Thank you, Madame.

She's dead, Smithee. You can stop sucking up.

????The rest of my worldly possessions,

????my castle and surrounding grounds,

I leave to the love of my life,

somebody who was like a son to me...''

Thank you, Aunt Eleanor. Oh, thank you.

Please let me finish, Mr. Dargis.

I'm sorry. I always get a little ahead of myself.

????I leave all my worldly possessions to my beloved kitty,

Prince the 1 2th.''

- That's incredible. - Oh, my word.

Entirely without precedent.

This is what it says.

But I'm her nephew, her only heir.

She can't have left it all to a cat.

I, Prince, the new lord of the castle?

( cheering )

Good show, Lady Eleanor.

Oh, bless her heart.

Can it be? We are delivered.

Thank you, Winston.

The will clearly states that you may stay on

at Carlyle Castle and receive your usual stipend

of, uh... 50 pounds a week.

- Fifty pounds?! - Upon Prince's passing,

after what we assume will be a long and happy life,

you will receive the castle, the land

and your title.

But that fat ball of fur could last for another 1 5 years!

Let us hope so.

The castle was built over 600 years ago

by Lord Franklin Carlyle.

Now, the initial structure is late medieval in style...

MAN: In the west wing, we'll put the pool and spa.

Yes, and where would the squash courts be?

Oh, there he is!

- That's unbelievable. - Oh, hello.

Snap your photos. Unfortunately, I can but spare a few moments...

Hey, buddy, do you mind stepping aside?

I can't get a good shot of the cat.

Greetings, all. Hello.

So glad. So very, very glad.

May I remind you this is private property?

Oh, relax, bro, it's not like you own the place.

We shall see.

( quacking fanfare )

To all the royal subjects,

I give you the new possessor of Carlyle Castle:

Prince the 1 2th!

PRI NCE: To one and all,

I pledge, from this day forward,

to rule my kingdom with wisdom and valor.

And as long as I reign,

you shall continue to have safe haven

here on the bountiful grounds of Carlyle.

Thank you. That is all.

ANI MALS: Hip-hip hooray!

Long live Prince!

I think that went frightfully well.

Don't you, Winny?

Sire, I hasten to remind you

that Lord Dargis has every reason to get rid of you.

Oh, Winny, pooh-pooh.

I'm his favorite kitty-cat.

( grand royal theme playing )

( record needle scratches )

Hello, little Prince.

What a beautiful day for a picnic, of course.

Oh, no, thanks, old boy.

You just run along and enjoy yourself.

Hey! What the devil...?!

So it's hide-and-seek you want to play.

All right, I'll count to 1 00.

- ( barking ) - Hello, Rommel.

...three, four, five...

...3 5, 36, 37, 38...

...96, 97, 98, 99, 1 00.

All right, fair warning.

Ready or not, here I come...

( Prince yells )

Bon voyage, Prince.

( chuckles )

Oh, dear me.

I may have misjudged the old boy.

Perhaps he is somewhat of a scoundrel.

After all, this is not the way one plays hide-and-seek.

( crow cawing )

( rock music plays )

( group singing )

( singing continues )

( singing ends )

Oh, blimey.

( sighs heavily )

Will that be all, sir?

Oh, yes, thank you.

Uh... thank you.

Thank you, sir.

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, um...

how do I look?

Lovely, sir?

No, see, I'm proposing to my girlfriend.

She's staying just down the hall.

I want to make sure I look...

Well, let's see now.

It needs a certain...

Ah!

May I, sir?

There we are.

- Hugh Grant. - Great.

Uh, oh, could you deliver this to the girl in room 407?

Of course, sir.

Oh, and, uh...

and this.

Cary Grant, sir.

( knocking )

jon?

Hey!

But, what are you doing here?

Well, it's just Fashion Week. Where else would I be?

This is incredible.

I cannot believe that you're here.

So you're glad?

Glad? I'm thrilled.

But London?

I mean, did you come all the way here just for me?

Yeah, it's nuts.

In fact, I, uh...

I want us to be together, uh...

LIZ: Odie!

Come here!

( laughing ): Oh, yeah.

( gasping ): Air... water... lasagna.

Garfield?

That's the hello I get?

1 3 hours in a bag with a farting dog?

Ooh, you know, they have quarantine laws here.

Don't let Odie out of your sight.

They might deport him.

Deport Odie?

Oh, I like this country already.

Oops!

( grunts )

Okay, I'm gonna need a litter box,

a room service menu and the TV remote,

and in that order.

Anyone needs me,

I'll be in my office.

Where are my clothes?

Cool.

My very own cat tub.

( water splashing )

( spitting )

Gol-lee!

( cawing )

( caws echo )

NIGEL ( echoes ): Got it.

Could have just come down and told me that, couldn't he?

All right. Listen up! Listen up! Farmyard news flash!

I've got some good news and some bad news.

Which would you like to hear first?

ANI MALS: The bad news.

Lord Dargis just threw Prince in the river.

( concerned exclamations )

Okay, give me the good news.

He was in a lovely picnic basket.

( animals exclaiming )

If he throws us in the river, we'll never survive.

- You're ducks; you can swim. - Oh.

Winston, I'm next in line for the throne.

Uh-oh. This could get ugly.

I have here a list of new rules of governance.

WI NSTON: Preston, I hardly think that's necessary...

Rule Number One: The barnyard animals congregate

entirely too close to the castle.

We house pets need our space.

Oh, you've got enough space, laddie,

right between your ears.

- ( animals laugh ) - You take that back!

I command you, as your new king.

Look, there's still a chance

Prince may find his way back here.

In the meantime, Claudius, you get into the castle

and find out what Dargis is up to.

I'm on it. I'm your mouse on the inside.

I'll see what I can learn from my end.

( traffiic passing )

( Liz laughing )

I want to do something more cultural.

Okay, all right...

You're cold.

( barking )

Getting colder.

You're an icicle.

You're frozen stiff.

Let's remind ourselves what we're looking for.

It's a hamburger.

- A squeaky hamburger. - ( squeaking )

We take a walk through Hyde Park...

Excuse me? We ????walk''?!

Then we stroll down

the incredibly cultural Piccadilly.

( laughs )

????Stroll''?

And then, boom- Carnaby Street.

Aren't we about 40 years

too late for Carnaby Street?

( British accent ): No, luv.

That's where all the swingin' birds are.

Oh. Well, then we are definitely

going to the British Museum.

( gags )

Any cuter, I'm gonna need a barf bag.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing?

- I'm security, pal. - ( Odie barks )

just protecting you from yourself.

Garfield, you have caused enough trouble today.

Now you have food, water and company.

Which one is he?

- Be good. -Jon, you're delirious.

Be careful! She's a man-eater!

Oh, no. He's under her spell.

( barks )

Okay, Odie, I'll give you one small clue.

It's not in there!

Prince!

( sighs )

Where is that cat?

Prince!

Prince!

Prince!

Prince!

( gunshot )

Prince!

Pull!

( gunshot )

Sir, have you, by any chance, seen Prince?

I can't seem to find him anywhere.

Oh... dear!

You mean our little orange bundle of fun is missing?

Pull!

( gunshot )

- Crikey! - ( gasps )

The man's got a cannon!

And he's pointing it at us!

We're sitting ducks!

Careful, sir.

You wouldn't want to injure

the creatures, would you?

Run away!

Of course not.

That would make me some kind of monster,

wouldn't it?

By the way, Smithee,

I've a little errand for you.

Could you go to London

and pick up my new suits at Willoughby's?

Oh, very good, sir.

Pull!

( announcer speaking indistinctly on TV)

Can you imagine

taking a nap on that table?

just lie there for hours and shed.

In other news today, the queen's corgis, Milly and Tillie,

returned from their world cruise with the queen,

aboard Her Majesty's yacht.

The animals are said to have suffered

a mild seasickness, but now are back to eating

the finest calf's liver.

Oh, boy.

Must be sweet.

????My tummy's upset. May I have some liver?''

Boy, I wish Jon was a queen.

- ( knocking ) - MAI D: Housekeeping.

Okay, blockhead, time to bust out of here

and catch up with Jon.

First, let's grab some chow,

before I eat your liver

with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.

Sorry, we left a bit of a mess

in the bathroom. Thanks.

All right, keep your eyes peeled

for a goofy-looking guy with a map.

They're not up here.

I'm coming down!

GARFI ELD: Hup, hup, hup, hup!

Hee-yah!

jon? Jon? Jon?

Where's Waldo?

Take the picture. Take the picture.

Take it! Take it! Take the picture!

( guard shouts an order )

GUARD: Halt!

Right face!

GARFI ELD: Excuse me.

Did you see a couple of people

who look like they might be tourists?

Oh, I know this drill.

They won't crack up, no matter what you do.

Hey, Freeze-Frame, your knee's on fire.

Hmm. I know I can get this guy.

No, seriously, your zipper's down.

Hey, Dry Goods.

( blubbering )

Yeah.

Anybody ever tell you you look like Tina Turner?

That was effective.

COACHMAN: Her Majesty, the Queen of England!

GARFI ELD: What's all the hubbub?

GUARD: Attention!

Hey, Odie, look, it's those royal corgis.

Hey, lady, you got any leftover liver?

Stuck-up little punk.

Oh, I know she heard us.

They had the top down.

Odie? Odie?

D'uh-oh! Odie, no!

Don't do the ugly-American thing!

The British are coming! The British are coming!

Well, you made him crack anyway.

PRI NCE: Ew, disgusting!

It's so smelly down here. I must get out.

Hello? Someone help a chap?

( grunting )

I'm in the sewer.

This is hopeless.

We'll never find Jon.

Face it, Odie: nobody cares

- whether we live or... - ( barking )

- ( tires screeching ) - ( screaming )

( sighs )

Prince, I've found you.

Oh, dear.

Why is it the weird ones always go for the cat

and not the dog?

Odie, help, please.

- ( whines ) - GARFI ELD: Is that a cologne

or a disinfectant, sir?

I just got you

a special treat: minced pie.

Odie, call a cop.

I mean, bobby or jimmy.

Never mind, Odie. Don't bother.

There's a pie here.

I'll be just fine.

( barking )

( barking continues )

( whining )

( groans )

Dear heavens!

That was absolutely the most horrifying...

But I'm alive. I'm alive!

And... covered in filth.

Here, here.

I must return to my throne.

- ( barking ) - What, ho?

Oh, indeed.

Seeing me in this state must be shocking.

I've lost my bearings.

You must lead me with all due haste to the castle at Carlyle.

But first, I require a bath.

- ( sneezes ) - Here, come on.

Do you expect me to lick myself?

Garfield?!

Odie? Wh... What are you doing here?

Garfield? What the devil is a Garfield?

What am I going to do with you guys?

Do you know how bad I would feel

if I lost you here?

From now on,

I'm not letting you out of my sight, okay?

Oh, dear heaven.

Why is it the weird ones

always go for the cat and not the dog?

Oh! Bath time for you, buddy.

Well, that's the best news I've heard all day.

The dog's not very bright, is he?

Where are you taking me?

Is it somewhere lovely?

Somewhere special?

Mmm!

Ah!

Hey, Mario Andretti.

You're drivin' on the wrong side of the road,

and I've got an entire pie in my stomach.

Don't worry, Prince.

You'll feel better when we get back to Carlyle.

- ( Rings ) - Oh, excuse me.

Yes, hello. Hobbs here.

Ah, Hobbs, this is Manfred Dargis here.

A terrible thing has happened.

Prince is missing.

We've searched everywhere.

Prince is missing?

- BOTH: Missing?! - This is a rather sudden

development,

- don't you think? - Well, actually, it's quite common.

In the absence, or in this case, the death of an owner,

it can be quite

confusing and disorienting to a cat- I mean,

let's face it, they have brains the size of a gum ball.

- ( Dargis laughing ) - All the same,

this seems rather fishy to me.

I don't particularly care what it seems to you.

Legally, since he is gone,

the title of the Carlyle estate falls to me.

Am I not correct?

Uh, yes, very well.

Good-bye.

He's up to something.

He's got some plan for the estate,

and I want to find out what.

Ah, Miss Abby Westminster, I presume.

( chuckling ): Lord Dargis, an absolute pleasure.

Hello.

DARGIS: I'm so pleased you've shown

such an interest in our little enterprise.

Well, my investors are very interested.

Cheers, dear.

To a long-lasting business relationship.

To Carlyle Resort and Spa.

Allow me to introduce you to my dream.

What's this?

State-of-the-art spa,

meditation garden and, of course,

luxury condominium.

( chuckles )

But what of the woodland and barnyard areas?

Allow me.

If you would...

Oh. Very clever.

No woodland,

no barnyard area.

Whoosh- gone!

So what will you do with all the animals?

Let's just say

those we don't chase off, we will serve up

to the guests.

( cackling )

I must alert the others at once.

GARFI ELD: Bus driver, pull it over.

I got a pie belch coming that might break your windows.

( loud belch )

( squawking )

Ah.

Come on, Prince.

Yeah, yeah, I used to be known as Prince.

Now you can just call me Ga...

...arfield.

Wow.

Get a load of this dump.

Thanks.

No pet door, huh?

Holy cow, I can hear my footsteps.

Mom?! Dad?!

I'm home!

Your Highness.

You talking to me, froggy?

It's me, your trusty servant,

- Winston. - Hey.

Warning: I don't fight fair.

I scratch, and I bite.

It's all right, sire.

All is well now.

You're home.

- Home? - ( chuckles )

What, retirement home? Happy home?

Where, uh, what is this?

Is this an insane asylum?

Am I being kidnapped?

( laughs ) Very funny, sire.

Your loyal subjects await you.

They need to be comforted by your words.

Hey, trust me,

windbag, there's no way

I'm going to give a speech to a bunch of strangers.

And then, of course, following your words,

a royal feast.

I think I'm just going to do a tight two minutes.

See if that will calm them down, okay?

Oyez!

Oyez!

Prince the 1 2th has returned.

( quacking fanfare )

Thank you, windbag,

for that slobbering introduction.

Hello, everybody!

GARFI ELD: Hey.

- Listen up. - Ooh.

Is this an audience or a landscape?

Okay. Great to be back here

at the palace.

I look out and I see

a sea of dumb barnyard animals.

I'm here in your country to break up a romance

between, uh, you know, the guy who owns the house

I live in and a girl who is way out of his league.

I know that whatever it is

that you have, there is some sort of affliction

that produces this glazed look behind your eyes,

I hope you defeat it.

I wish I could take every one of you home with me.

Thank you.

I killed.

WI NSTON: Very funny, sire. Well done.

I didn't realize it was amateur hour.

What's up with Prince?

Oh, he's on the catnip again.

Hold on, chaps! Have I got news for you!

What's the word, Claudius?

Dargis is going to bulldoze the barnyard

and feed us to the tourists.

Let him try. He'll have to deal

with these fists of fury, won't he, eh?

- Well, that's dreadful. - ( excited chattering )

Calm yourselves, everybody.

We're all right as long as Prince is alive.

Well, obviously that feline is not Prince, you idiots.

He's not even the cat formerly known as Prince.

NIGEL: He's right, you know.

Wait, he doesn't have to be Prince.

He just has to look like him.

If he fooled me, he'll fool them.

But what's to stop Dargis from getting rid of this cat, too?

McBunny is right.

We must protect this cat at all costs.

Our fates rely on it.

jON: Mr. and Mrs.Jon Arbuckle.

- Liz Arbuckle. - ( Prince grunting )

Elizabeth Arbuckle. Yeah.

Listen, you dolt. There's been a coup d'etat.

Attempted murder most foul.

I am Prince the 1 2th of Carlyle.

You there, with the wise and thoughtful look.

Hello.

Convince this man there's been a mix-up.

jON: Garfield, I want you to be in my wedding party.

Wedding party?!

Think you can hold a basket of flowers in your mouth?

Enough with the grooming, you dunce.

My subjects face mortal jeopardy.

Dog, approach.

We must plan my escape,

and I'm relying on your expedience and cunning.

( Odie growling )

PRI NCE: Okeydokey.

New plan.

( Odie whimpers )

GARFI ELD: Call my pumpkin, windbag.

I'm ready to roll.

WI NSTON: Roll? Where to?

You know, to the hotel, toJon.

Your master, the one who's leaving you for his new wife?

He's not leaving me.

It's more of a... temporary insanity thing.

Garfield, your master's started a new life.

It's time for you to begin yours.

Come on, I want to show you something.

Do have any idea what runs through your veins?

Yesterday's dinner, I guess.

Royal blood, sire.

You are the long-lost heir to the Carlyle throne.

( chuckling )

You kill me.

These are your ancestors, dating back 400 years.

GARFI ELD: Mine?

Wow.

Like, I'm a royal cat?

Well, of course.

And anything you need is only a flick of your tail away.

A flick of my tail, huh?

So, if I said, drool on your foot...?

- ( Winston panting ) - GARFI ELD: Not bad.

How about roll over and whistle ????Dixie''?

( whistling )

How's that?

Nice. All right.

Tough one:jump up and touch the ceiling.

( grunting ): How's that, sire?

You don't get up there too high

there, do you, fella?

I give you your royal bedchamber.

GARFI ELD: I could do some snoozing here, yeah.

Even a king needs a catnap.

Get up!

Get down.

Get up! This baby is spring-loaded.

Why do you think they call me...

( echoing ): Highness...?

Are you all right? Sire?!

( grunts )

The royal trapeze?

That is how you ring, sire.

You pull it whenever you require something.

- And what is that? - Your playhouse.

Oh, I needed a playhouse.

I've got a house inside of a house.

Does this castle make my butt look a little too big?

Fits you like a glove.

( farts )

- Ooh! Blimey. - Pardon.

Well struck, sire. Good tone, smooth finish.

Well, you took that in the best spirit, didn't you?

Shall we have a look in the kitchen?

Did I hear you say... the kitchen?

( overlapping conversations )

Here we are. I present your cookery.

All mine?

Every morsel,

down to the last crumb.

Okay. All right.

You can just call me... Your Highness.

( Garfield and animals singing )

( singing continues )

( singing continues )

( singing continues )

( singing ends )

Yeah, you can just drop that anywhere.

( body thuds )

( tray clattering )

GARFI ELD: All right, I'll give it to you straight:

it's disappointing.

Your doughnuts are dry

and don't have holes in them,

and your coffee's so weak, it looks like tea.

I don't suppose, Miss Westminster,

you could find time in your busy life

for a wealthy duke.

( giggling )

Lord Dargis, I'm afraid I'm taken.

As I am myself... by you.

( laughs )

Oh, don't mind me.

I'm just an incorrigible old...

- Cat! - What?

Nothing, nothing.

Nothing at all, nothing at all.

Gosh, is that the time already?

Time, I've always said,

flies like an arrow.

Don't be afraid to just show up

and bring some of those investors-

those lovely investors.

We'll throw a party.

Cheerio!

Ah... Smithee, d-did I see Prince in here?

Isn't it remarkable?

I found him wandering the streets of London

as I left Willoughby's.

Indeed.

Extraordinary.

And where is

the little fiend...

( clears throat ): fellow at the moment?

Oh, I'm sure I don't know, sir.

Well, I'll maybe take a little look-see, hmm?

Make him welcome.

Yes, sir.

Look at this room, for example.

Uh... how would you liven this place up?

But, sire, this castle

is centuries old.

GARFI ELD: It's a museum.

It's boring.

And you know what's missing when your crib is a museum?

It's called fun!

Fun?

It's not that hard.

You got to get a running start

at something this dull.

Who-o-o-o-o-o-a!

This is gonna end so badly.

( screaming )

Oops.

It was already cracked.

( laughs ): Nothing escapes you,

does it, sire?

Yeah. I like the way this feels.

You just slide, baby!

Whoa...!

D'uh-oh!

Don't worry about it.

That one was cracked as well.

Oh, I can relax.

Oops!

What the...? Ooh! Oof.

Smithee!

Get this thing off of me!

All right, let's go try another room.

Good idea, sire.

MR. HOBBS ( on phone ): Yes, yes.

I've got the deed and the paperwork in order,

and I've contacted the other solicitors.

We'll be out there on Monday.

Monday?

But... but I need more time.

More time?

More time for what?

Oh... n-n-nothing. Nothing.

That'll-that'll be fine.

Oh, very well, we'll be there Monday,

unless, by some miracle, Prince returns.

We can only hope, Mr. Hobbs.

( screaming )

What's the news?

Dargis is sure to make a move on the cat.

The solicitors will be here Monday.

Right. Good work.

GARFI ELD: Careful.

That's high-grade American cardboard

you're tossing around there.

Beautiful, fellas.

Hang the plasma

right over the Slip 'N Slide.

Sire, a word.

jowls, my man.

Guess what your enlightened,

all-powerful ruler

has brought to the castle?

Oh, I can't wait to hear this.

Don't tell me.

A Renaissance painting.

Foosball, you know? Foosball!

F-F-F-Foosball?

What does he think this is, a pub?

just because we don't have opposable thumbs

doesn't mean we don't play bar games.

Yes, sire, but I feel your life is in danger.

Listen, Winnebago- if I may call you that-

when history speaks of me,

and she will, I want to be remembered

as the ????Party Prince.''

As you wish.

You chaps know me- I'm no snob.

Right? But this cat is too much.

( scoffs ): He's an embarrassment to our whole way of life.

Oh, he's a disgrace to the furry race.

????My pillow isn't soft enough.

My TV remote won't work.''

Don't get your knickers in a twist.

I know he's a pain in the neck,

but we just got to keep him safe till Monday.

( quacking fanfare )

GARFI ELD: Yeah. My loyal

and fragrant subjects, please.

Thank you.

Briefly, I hate Mondays.

just hate 'em.

Therefore, I decree, from this day forward,

there will be no more Mondays.

- What? - What?

Got it? Today is Tuesday, then.

Happy Tuesday, everybody.

Yeah, I think he's lost it.

Like I said,

we just got to keep him safe till Tuesday.

Hello, Rommel.

Ah-ha-ha!

I have a present for you.

Prince's favorite pillow.

( barking, snarling )

Sniffy, sniffy, Rommel. Sniffy, sniffy.

Ooh, bad pillow. Ooh!

Kill kitty. Kill kitty.

( snickering )

Oh, what a clever boy.

Eat the cat.

Yum, yum, yum.

I think you're ready.

Uh-oh, here comes trouble.

Eat the pussycat. There's a good chap.

Operation Feline Protection under way.

I'm on it. Hoo-hoo!

Yeah, yeah.

( barking )

Oops.

Bon app¡§|tit.

Here, kitty, kitty.

Come to Rommel.

Where are you, my little furry friend?

Hello, Rommel.

Eat kitty.

No, no kitty, Rommel.

But we have something better to chew on.

No kitty?

That's right: no kitty.

Bring Lord Dargis's new trousers, please.

Pig, the trousers!

Uh, trousers.

Thank you, Sam.

And now, Rommel, how about

a nice tug of war?

Yeah.

Ooh! Lord Dargis better watch out

next time Rommel's on the loose.

( snarling )

( whistling )

Hello, Smithee.

You're in good spirits today, sir.

Yes. For some reason I feel a great burden has been lifted.

A burden, sir?

What do you make of my new suit, Smithee?

Hmm?

Oh, very smart, sir.

Oh, Smithee, I've invited Miss Westminster for tea on Monday,

and it's extremely important she feel welcome.

Why don't you bring up a bottle of the very best champagne?

And set out the Prince Royal china,

silver service.

You know the type of thing.

Very good, sir.

( whistling )

ROMMEL: Uh, trousers.

DARGIS: Yes, I'd like to speak

to Miss Westminster, please.

Hello, Rommel.

Did we enjoy

our little snack, then, hmm?

Trousers.

Ah, Miss Westminster...

Trousers!

Care to pop over and have a little...

( screaming )

RUGBY FAN 1 : Oggy! Oggy! Oggy!

RUGBY FANS: Oi! Oi! Oi!

Oggy! Oggy! Oggy!

FANS: Oi! Oi! Oi!

( all cheering )

- LIZ: Isn't this fantastic? -JON: Yeah.

Who ordered the pasta?

- Oh, it's for the kitty. - Oh, good Lord.

What gruel is this?

( barks )

Quite right, old boy.

They must have given me yours.

Garfield, since when do you say no to lasagna?

You do realize I'm a cat, don't you, sir?

You know, he doesn't seem like himself.

He's probably just a little jet-lagged.

I suppose I should probably force down a bite or two

to keep up my strength.

Oh. It does have a unique texture.

So, Liz, I don't know if you've noticed,

but I've been kind of anxious to, um...

( fans shouting )

( laughing ): Why am I clapping?

I'm sorry. What were you saying?

PRI NCE: Oh, spot on.

Never have I tasted its equal!

Oh!

Oh, Garfield, that's gross!

( laughing )

Please, sir, may I have some more?

Oh! Does a Great Dane live here?

It's a Carlyle log, my lord:

a savory of liver and spleen

served in a sleeve of sheep's intestines.

And you're supposed to eat it?

What is this, Fear Factor?

Intestines? Spleen?

I'm the king, right?

Prince, actually.

Same difference. I rule, yes?

WI NSTON: Yes, Your Highness.

Great. Then feed this to the humans

and just bring me a piping hot dish of lasagna, okay?

I'll see to it

at once, sire.

Now it says we add the ricotta cheese.

Ducks!

You're supposed to sift

the flour, not sit in it!

Don't yell at us.

We're not the ones who drank all the cooking sherry.

( hiccups )

( singing )

Hmm. Carrots make everything better,

and it can't hurt lasagna.

What the heck is...?

( egg splats )

That was close.

WI NSTON: Now slip in the eggs,

ooze in the tomatoes.

Now stir the whole thing up

in a bowl and let the bowl...

Okay.

You know what I'm talking about.

Hold it

right here,

all you animals.

What goes on here, Winston?

( laughs ): We're preparing

the royal lasagna, sire.

Unless you prefer another dish.

Did you say ????dish''?

Lasagna's not a dish, windbag.

It's a way of life, a state of being.

Man's one perfect achievement.

What did the Indians serve to the Pilgrims?

Lasagna.

What did Marie Antoinette scream to the rabble?

????Let them eat lasagna.''

What did Neil Armstrong say

when he landed on the moon?

????That's one small slice of lasagna.''

It's not a dish.

It's the stuff of dreams.

It's the food of the gods.

It's what's for lunch.

Yeah, well, the problem is, it seems we've mucked it up.

You just need a little guidance, that's all.

( fast-tempo, surf guitar riff playing )

Where's the flour? Who's got it?

( caws )

GARFI ELD: I need a mixing bowl.

One large mixing bowl.

GARFI ELD: And someone to mix it.

Thank you.

( sneezes, sputters, coughs )

Much obliged.

( group singing pop )

Sheba, did you remember to wash your hooves?

Ladies... thank you so much.

Strike. Strike. Strike.

A little outside.

Step on it, will you?

I need that dough.

Yeah, we'll need about a half a pound of this.

( squawks ): What are barnyard animals

doing in the kitchen?

I demand you all leave at once.

This is completely against my castle health code.

Getting hot in here.

Turn on the exhaust fan, will you, somebody?

PRESTON: What are you doing?

Get away from there!

( squawks, then slams into grate )

GARFI ELD: Sorry!

Proof more accidents happen in the kitchen

than any other room in the house.

Hey, where did that big ball of dough go?

All I see are magnificent ribbons of perfection.

Yo, it's lasagna, not shish kebab.

Taste that.

Is that too sweet for you?

( grunting )

One time.

( grunts )

( group singing pop continues )

( laughing )

Whoa!

Here comes the parsley.

All right, bring it back.

Bring it in. Bring it in. Bring it in.

Bring it back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back. Good.

We need somebody with a hard head.

Thank you.

( sighs )

It's out of our hands now.

( inhales deeply )

( growling happily )

( animals exclaiming with pleasure )

EENI E: This lasagna's fabulous!

Oh!

That's a bit of all right, that is.

Those Italians got it right, didn't they?

Mmm! Oh!

Two cheeses.

That is delicious!

Yeah, not bad on short notice.

It's beautiful!

What'd I tell you?

If you'd just let me be your king and lead you, all right?

Any more?

CHRISTOPHE: Oh, one more piece.

- EENI E: Oh! - Would anyone mind if I...?

- I, CLAUDI US: It's mine! - DALMATIAN: I would!

- I, CLAUDI US: Move! - WI NSTON: Easy, easy!

- Hold up a moment! - NIGEL: I said it's mine!

That piece has Nigel's name on it.

Uh-oh.

( all arguing )

Please, I command you.

( glass smashing )

Leave room for dessert.

DARTS ANNOUNCER ( over TV): Here it is, one step...

A half-inch adjustment from his last shot!

Oh, nearly!

Oh, heavens, I fear there was something urgent

to which I was supposed to attend,

and yet I can't for the life of me begin to recall what it was.

( giggles ): You really like it?

I do. It's great.

Thank you.

Let me see.

I got to go.

Are you sure I can't go with you

to this castle tour thing?

They won't mind.

It's a Conservancy function for speakers only.

I guess the woman who owned the place

was a big animal lover.

You hang with the guys.

Odie could use a walk, and Garfield could use...

...some serious ab work.

Anyway, I'll be back soon.

Have fun, boys.

My entire world seems to revolve

around napping, television and lasagna.

Still, I'm plagued by a vague notion of a duty unfulfilled.

Oh, well.

Back to sleep.

What is it, woof-woof?

????Castles of England''?

Good Lord!

There it is!

Carlyle Castle on the Upper Thames.

Oh, brilliant, Odie.

All this time, I took you for... well, a complete simpleton.

Now destiny calls.

To the battlements!

Sound the horns!

For king and country!

Farewell, my loyal squire.

The legend cont...

( gasps )

What, ho!

( screaming )

Garfield?

Okay, sore bottom, a little disoriented, but undeterred.

Garfield!

Now, which way is the river?

( sniffiing )

I think this way.

jON: Garfield!

Sorry,Jon.

Oh, here it is.

Now one needs some kind of conveyance.

- ( horn tooting ) - Oh, hello.

Oh, it's an awfully long way down, but I must,

and I shall, and I...

( screaming )

Ow.

Well, Miss Westminster,

I have the papers all drawn up.

We need only sign them,

and it's on to the ground breaking.

Oh, that's wonderful.

I would like to move forward as soon as possible.

just think.

Bulldozers, paving machines

busily transforming this dump into beautiful luxury condos.

You and I striding through centuries of dust

like giants surveying our emerging empire.

Two proud parents.

I-I'll just check on Smithee.

See if tea is ready.

- ( quacking ) - ( barks )

Filthy monsters!

Come back here, you smelly creature!

Come here!

Pigs, mark your man!

( Grunting )

Come here, you smelly individual!

( Squeals )

You know what?

I got two words for that guy.

????You're fired.''

If only it were that simple, sire.

( clucking )

Swine!

Is there a problem, sir?

Is there a problem?

There's a bull drinking my champagne,

the pool's full of wild animals,

and a pig just tried to kill me.

Yes! I would say there was a problem.

I'll tend to it, sir.

You'll tend to it immediately!

And we'll have tea indoors.

Do you think you could handle that?

Thank you. There's a good chap.

Oh!

Has there been an accident?

I'm afraid tea will have to wait till later, Miss Westminster.

Oh.

( chattering )

He's about 42 and a half pounds.

He has orange fur,

more like a burnt sienna.

And he answers to the name Garfield.

I-E-L-D.

( typing )

Okay,

well, fortunately, Scotland Yard isn't very busy this week.

So, uh, we'll put together

a task force and our best men

and, uh, turn all

our resources and attention

towards finding your fat cat.

Really?

No.

( whines )

- Come on, Odie. - ( barks )

( clanging )

Now, Rommel, it's really quite simple.

Uh...?

Me... Prince.

Prince... me.

Provider of food...

Food.

Right, governor.

Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm!

Yum, yum.

Kill...

Kitty!

Attaboy, Rommel! There you go!

Well done! That's the spirit!

Bad boy! Bad boy! Go on, get along!

( groans )

Smithee.

How are you?

Do me a favor. Have that polished.

There's a good chap.

So, what's on your mind, Smithee?

Uh... Mr. Hobbs's office called.

Are the solicitors convening again, sir?

It's nothing at all, Smithee.

Papers to sign. You know- boring.

Incidentally, when did you

last have a holiday, Smithee?

Holiday, sir?

I can't remember.

- Seriously, man? - Mm.

What an embarrassing oversight on my part.

I insist you have a week's holiday, starting today.

Oh, I don't know. I don't think...

Oh, Smithee, I won't hear a word of it.

I can just see you cycling in the Dordogne,

fighting the wild boar in Tristan da Cunha.

Farewell, wind to your sails and bon voyage, Smithee.

Well, then...

thank you... sir.

( indistinct conversations )

jON: What am I going to do?

How am I supposed to find Garfield?

- London's really... big. - ( Odie barks )

I don't care about some alien love baby, okay?

I'm worried about Garfield.

( barks )

Odie, you know what? You're being a real...

????Lady Eleanor of Carlyle has left her entire estate

to her beloved cat, Prince the 1 2th.''

Maybe someone mistook this cat for Garfield.

Odie, come on. Come on, buddy!

The Venetian crystal chandeliers in this room were commissioned

by the Third Earl of Carlyle in the late 1 8th century.

Over here, we have several family portraits painted

by the Dutch master Van Dyck.

These are amongst the many treasures

to be found at Carlyle.

( singing )

- PRESTON: Oh, hogwash! - Huh?

I tell you, this cat is mocking us at every turn.

WI NSTON: Preston, calm yourself.

We're only doing what is best for everybody.

PRESTON: How much longer must we sustain this charade?

I can't believe this cat is so stupid as to think

he's actually royalty.

Well, he does, and house cat or not, we need him.

Wha...? House cat?

just have a little patience.

Patience? Ha! Admit it, Winston.

This buffoon couldn't groom the paws of a real king.

Buffoon?!

( acoustic guitar plays sad melody )

Golly, this is without a doubt my all-time crummiest moment.

Huh?

jon.

Man, I've been such a stupid, selfish cat.

( sniffling )

I've lost my friend.

I've got to find him.

The original medieval kitchen has stood

on this site since 1 485...

Yes, yes, it's big. It's old and it's musty.

Uh, Lord Dargis, uh, please meet the tour group

from the Royal Animal Conservancy.

Oh! By all means, save the little darlings.

That's my motto.

Big fan of Free Willy, Born Free,

all the Free movies.

Bravo! Now off you go.

If you come this way,

we'll visit some of the underground passages,

one of which...

Hello. Welcome to Carlyle Castle, my dear.

Thank you. It's, it's beautiful.

Well, that makes two of you.

Did I mention how much I abhor fox hunting?

Unless, of course, in self-defense.

- Bye. - If I may...

Uh, one question, uh...?

Liz.

Ah, the same as our own dear queen. Cordial?

- One question, Liz. - Liz?

What would you say if I were to donate

one of my priceless oil paintings

to your conservancy?

Um... Thank you?

Mm! But how would you say it?

That royal sleaze is hitting on Liz.

Perhaps you would consider dining with me

at the castle tonight?

Nobody hits on my best friend's girlfriend... and succeeds.

Yoo-hoo! Mr. Pinata-Head.

( growling ): You!

Me?

Excuse me for one moment.

- Sure, but... - Mi castle es su castle.

- DARGIS: Aha! - GARFI ELD: Not now!

- Your nine lives are up! - ( doorbell rings )

GARFI ELD: No. No, not now.

Good Lord, do these people never sleep?

GARFI ELD: Oh, why now?

Ah, Mr. Hobbs, punctual as usual.

just taking out the rubbish. Won't be a jiffy.

GARFI ELD ( whimpering ): Oh, please!

Okay, you got me.

GARFI ELD: Oh, you are so stupid.

Dungeon.

GARFI ELD: I'm just a cat!

GARFI ELD ( crying ): Oh... Please! I'm so weak...

and, and you're so strong, so powerful.

( Garfield grunts )

( lock rattles )

GARFI ELD: You creep!

There's more than one way to skin a royal cat.

I'm not a royal cat!

I'm a self-centered house cat!

Hey! Wait! Wait!

What, you think I'm going to crack in here?

Uh-uh. No. This is gonna be a treat.

I'm finally gonna have some quality alone time.

I'm gonna write that novel I've been putting off.

I'm gonna learn a couple of foreign languages,

and I'm gonna start a whole new workout regimen.

I'm gonna lose all this.

Get myself in top physical condition.

Thank you! Yeah!

Ha, ha!

I love it here!

You've done me an enormous favor!

Who's laughing now?

( laughing )

( laughter fades )

( laughter resumes )

( sighs )

( grunting )

It's nice to get away from the urban sprawl.

????Carlyle, 28 miles.''

Going my way?

( grunts )

Piece of cake, really.

jON: So we make a left up ahead.

( barks )

Oh. Right turn.

Thanks, buddy.

I'm afraid there's just no sign of him.

Really? Well, then...

let's make it official.

Well, if we must, we must.

Then there's the time I got hit by that car...

and the time that I ate that six-day-old halibut.

Hey, that's only seven lives.

I got two more.

All right, I'm gonna get out of this.

( stone scrapes, clatters )

Bingo!

Winston and I have come to your rescue.

Took you long enough.

What, did you finally hear my stomach growling?

No, but we heard your tiresome monologue. Bad halibut, indeed.

( stone scraping )

Let's get you out of here, Your Royal Highness.

Winster.

The solicitors are here.

We have to move quickly.

Huh.

Uh, then we luncheon, Your Royal Highness.

Yeah, you can drop that shtick, drool boy.

I heard you and the bird.

How about the house cat part? I loved that.

Aw, all right, all right.

So we weren't exactly honest.

We had to do it.

What would you have done?

Save your breath, chubby cheeks.

I shall abdicate my throne and return to my TV chair.

You were our only hope.

The only hope of the hopeless.

What do they want, blood?

I have been eating and sleeping my heart out for these animals-

still not enough.

Like I'm not as good as a royal cat could be.

Huh?

Hmm...

( Garfield humming )

Hmm?

Hmm...

Hmm?

Blah!

Hmm?

( Garfield groans )

( glass squeaks )

( exhaling )

( Prince groans )

Aha! I so knew you weren't me.

And you must be Garfield.

How do you know my name?

I've lived your life for the past few days.

Yes, if ever a man loved a cat, it's yourJon.

Return to him, Garfield.

Return to your home.

Your Highness, you don't have to tell me twice. Bye-bye.

Sire, thank heavens.

- You've returned. - The real prince!

The prince is home, back with us!

It's the real prince- the genuine article.

Yes, my friends,

I have returned to you at this, our darkest hour.

So, Winny, what exactly is Lord Dargis up to?

He intends to level our homes and kill us all.

O... kay.

( clears throat )

Well, in that case, I decree that we pack our bags

and get our scraggy bottoms out of here.

Perhaps to the castle next door.

- Oh, boy. - What?!

( sarcastically ): Well, that was inspirational.

Brilliant.

I am so fired up.

You know, I have to believe we can do better.

I thought you were leaving.

Hey, button the beak, Fruit Loops,

or I'll stick that thing on backwards.

Look, Lord Doofus is just another bully.

And what do we do to bullies?

Well, generally, we run from them.

No, we don't leave.

We stand and we kick royal butt.

Trust me, if you beasts...

can bake a two-cheese lasagna,

you can beat Dargis.

Well, do you have a plan, Garfield?

Tell you what. For the duration of this battle,

I would prefer to be called G-Cat.

And we have two plans.

- Oh, teamwork. Oh, yes, yes. - ( animals chatter excitedly )

( panting )

GARFI ELD: Hey, girly dog!

( snarling )

Yeah, you girly girl!

You're such a silly sissy dog!

( barking )

GARFI ELD: Go! Go!

PRI NCE: The game is afoot.

( Rommel barking in distance )

- Sissy, silly dog. - ( barking )

You don't move so good, bozo!

( barking )

Uh-oh!

Here, kitty-kitty.

( panting )

GARFI ELD: Yoo-hoo!

- Oh, Mr. Stinky Dog. - ( growling )

Hey, loco.

Oh, no!

Run away!

GARFI ELD: Oh, yay-yip-yip-yahoo!

Yahoo! Yow-yow-ya-ya-yip-yip-yip-yahoo!

DARGIS ( sadly ): The loss of Prince...

I'm not quite sure that...

any of us will ever get over it.

Prince and Carlyle Court were... were one.

Sometimes, it's, it's almost as if his...

his spirit was still...

His spirit's still what?

...still ro-roaming the grounds.

I wonder if you could excuse me for a little...

Do you hear running water?

I-I won't be long.

He's a bit of a tool, don't you think?

( doorbell rings )

Yes?

Lord Dargis. Am I early?

Only just, Miss Westminster. Only just.

Please, please. Please.

I was just finishing something.

I wonder if you'd like to wait in the library.

( whimpers ) Okay.

Make yourself at home.

Have a seat.

Thank you. Um...

PRI NCE: Tally-ho!

Oh! On the other hand, this simply won't do.

- Why? - Smithee's been painting again.

I can't smell anything.

Oh, you never can, my darling.

Next thing you know,

you're salsa dancing in your knickers.

- What? - I won't be long.

( growls )

( grunts )

MR. HOBBS: Ah! Mr. Dargis,

will we be starting sometime today?

Absolutely, Mr. Hobbs.

PRI NCE: Hello again.

( Dargis screams )

- What's the matter? - Matter with what?

- You screamed. - No, I didn't.

Why don't you adjourn to my study?

And now, I'll retrieve the papers.

Where are you, you rat-headed devil?

( grunts )

Oh, no!

Yoo-hoo, Mr. Fancy-pants.

( groans )

Wait till I get my hands on you!

Ha-ha! He's brilliant!

( groans )

( groans )

GARFI ELD ( in Brooklyn accent ): Dargis!

I got two words for youse:

Me. Yow.

Come here, you!

Oh, no, you won't do.

I specifically requested a feline masseuse.

( screams )

( Dargis groans )

( Dargis yelling )

Somebody get this thing off of me!

Hey, bozo!

- ( growls ) - Yeah, you, buster!

GARFI ELD: Hey!

( screams )

Stupid, red-haired, flea-bitten...

Whoa-aah!

( grunting and groaning )

Lord Da... What is...?

What is that?

- I felt a slight chill. - What?

I thought a simple wrap would be just the ticket.

- There! - There what?

There is absolutely no reason

why you can't have a cool, refreshing drink

to make you feel calmer in this steamy weather.

Wait in the room.

Stupid cat!

Nobody makes an idiot out of me.

( grunting )

( whimpers, body thuds )

( visor squeaks )

Oopsie-daisy.

Medic!

PRI NCE: Well done, old man.

GARFI ELD: Thank you.

Never seen a welcome mat on the way out.

( grunts )

GARFI ELD: Get your cameras ready, ladies.

DARGIS: Come back here, you flea-bitten monster!

( chickens clucking )

- ( ducks quacking ) - GARFI ELD: Oops! Oh, no!

( taunting blubber )

( panting and grunting )

Ooh!

( panting )

( grunting )

( gasping )

ROMMEL: Trousers!

( Dargis screams )

( barking )

( Dargis screams )

( barking )

- Trousers! - ( screaming )

( gasps )

McBUNNY: Target sighted!

DARGIS ( mumbling ): Shaken him off.

Pull!

- Take that! - ( clay shattering )

- And that! - ( Dargis screams )

- Down a bit. Down a bit. Up. - Bob's your uncle!

( grunting )

Good Lord, it's a conspiracy!

( Rommel barks in distance )

( barking )

Oh, dear.

Trousers!

DARGIS ( echoing ): Smithee!

jON: Excuse me, sir.

Is that Carlyle Castle?

It is.

Maybe you can help me.

Have you seen a cat that looks like this?

Ah, yeah... that's Prince,

the cat of Carlyle.

( whimpers )

It's also Garfield, the cat of the cul-de-sac.

Do you mean to say, you have a cat

that's Prince's doppelganger?

No, I'm saying they look exactly alike.

And there's a chance they may have gotten mixed up.

I see.

There you are, man.

Good God! What happened to your clothes?

Indeed, it's been that kind of day.

Mr. Dargis, I demand an explanation.

( voice cracking ): I had no choice.

The cat just won't die.

What did you say?

You will sign the deeds over to me, cat or no cat.

Oh, my!

Mr. Hobbs, you were right.

Lord Dargis was willing to go to any lengths

to get the estate.

I can see you're busy. I'm just gonna...

Uh! Young lady.

Get over there.

Traitoress. You were working with them all along!

jON: Odie! Odie, wait for me!

Odie!

DARGIS: Get on with it!

PRI NCE: Hello, everyone.

Sorry I'm late. Shall I ring for tea?

Well, it's Prince, and he's alive!

GARFI ELD: I am bushed.

All this running-for-my-life stuff.

What say we break for lunch,

take a quick nap and pick it up later?

Sound good?

There are two of you little monsters, hmm?

For those keeping score at home, that's 1 8 lives.

MR. HOBBS: This is unbelievable!

- HOBBS: Two cats?! - DARGIS: No matter.

I have plenty of ammunition.

- Aah! - ( Odie growling )

Something's biting me!

( screaming )

( growling )

Odie, let him go!

Help! Oh!

Your lunatic dog just bit my bottom!

( laughter )

All right. Well played, you.

GARFI ELD: Hey, look, it's LittleJon.

PRI NCE: Good show, old man.

I'll go quietly.

jon?

- Liz? - What's going on?

Well, hello, my dear.

Hello.

And not a moment too soon.

- ( gasping ) - GARFI ELD & PRI NCE: Uh-oh!

Is this part of the tour?

- Let her go. - All in good time.

Now if you'll be so kind...

Okay, stay calm. Okay?

Mr. Hobbs, the papers, please.

I've seen enough. You want to call in your weasel?

PRI NCE: Sic him, Nigel.

Oi! I'm a ferret.

And I mean business... trouser-leg business!

Ooh... ( screams )

NIGEL: I'll take a leg, please.

Ooh, on second thought, I'll have some white meat.

Aah! Good Lord!

There's a wild animal in my trousers!

( grunts )

( whimpers, body thuds )

Hoo-dee-doo-dee-doo.

Uh, who's next then, eh?

Glass jaw.

He can dish it out, but he can't take it.

That was amazing!

Are-Are you okay?

Yeah, I... I never felt better.

PRESTON: Well done, Garfield.

I was rooting for you the whole time.

Did you hear something?

Yes, one did.

I'm here to discuss my new position in your...

SMITHEE: There he is, gentlemen.

Come along. There's a good boy.

Oh... It was the animals, you know.

Plotting, planning, every one of them against me!

I assume that will be all, sir.

Smithee. He'll vouch for me.

Smithee!

PRI NCE: Odie, thank you.

You're a hero and a gentleman.

Whoa. There are two Garfields?

Well, how can you tell them apart?

Oh, you forgot imbecile.

- That's Garfield. - Garfield.

Liz, I've been...

I've been trying to get the courage up

to ask you something all week.

- Uh-huh. - And, uh...

Oh, come on... Really?

( mumbling ): Looking for something?

Thanks, pal.

Liz, will you marry me?

( sighs happily )

Yes.

Aw...

You know a dog's mouth is cleaner than a human's?

- ( rock beat plays ) - Come on! The coast is clear!

( group singing pop )

( animals cheering )

Hooray!

McBUNNY: Let's hear it for the cats!

Hooray!

Go, Garfield.

That's right. Come on!

Do you do the Carlyle jig?

It goes like this.

( chuckling )

Can you do this?

Oh, boogaloo.

( chuckles )

( chuckling ): jolly good.

Bust a move, man.

No, it's something like this here.

PRI NCE: And so, my loyal subjects,

I leave you with a fiinal legacy.

Cannonball!

( animals groaning )

( moos )

( bleating )

( animals chatting excitedly )

Brilliant party, sire. ( chuckling )

GARFI ELD: Yeah, when the going gets tough...

the great ones party.

( grunting )

( Odie barking )

( bleating )

Who wants to play Marco Polo?

HOGS: Marco!

I refuse to partake in this sinful display of hedonism.

Oh! Those nuts look good.

Get a load of this!

Bombs away...!

I love this pond.

We rule the pool, goosey.

Give me some feathers!

( group singing pop continues )

GARFI ELD ( chuckling ): Watch the ears.

Thank you.

Oh, you're so kind.

( Odie barks )

Odie, could you beat it, please?

It's good to be king.

( group singing pop continues )

( group singing pop continues )

( song ends )

( mid-tempo rock beat plays )

( man singing )

( woman vocalizing )

( man singing )

( woman vocalizing )

( man singing )

( woman vocalizing )

( man singing )

( woman vocalizing )

( song ends )

( fast-tempo surf guitar instrumental playing )